


Will someone ever love me?

by mazarin01



Series: Head over heals [1]
Category: SKAM (TV)
Genre: Blind Date, First Date, Fluff, Love, M/M, Oslo (City), SKAM, lovestory, oslo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-10
Updated: 2018-02-10
Packaged: 2019-03-16 06:36:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,457
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13630710
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mazarin01/pseuds/mazarin01
Summary: “I’m never going to find someone,” Even sobbed as snot and tears emerged.“Sure you will,” Mikael comforted, stroking his back. “You just haven’t found the right one yet. The one who will take you as you are and love all of you Even.”Sana learns that her brothers friend Even (26) is single again and sets him up on a blind date with her friend Isak (24). She thinks they will be a perfect match - are they?





	Will someone ever love me?

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading this oneshot. I hope you'll like it. Feel free to leave me a comment and say what you think - I love feedback <3

 

_Even: hi :) my place after work? I’ll cook your fav meal. Miss u. <3 _

_Jakob: Hi. Sorry, but I can’t. I think we’re going too fast. It’s not you, I’m just not ready to commit after all. Sorry._

Am I not lovable Even cried, burying his face into Mikaels chest. Even rarely cried, well he cried a lot behind closed doors in his own apartment, but rarely in front of Mikael and at least not into his chest, making his white and green t-shirt all gross by snot and tears.

This time he couldn’t help himself. The 5th guy in a row had just ditched him after learning he was bipolar. The guys he had been dating over the past years had all given him different reasons for breaking what they had going, and none had said it directly to him, but he just knew it was because of his mental illness. Why would it otherwise happen right after he finally dared to tell people he was bipolar.

“I’m never going to find someone,” Even sobbed as snot and tears emerged.

“Sure you will,” Mikael comforted, stroking his back. “You just haven’t found the right one yet. The one who will take you as you are and love all of you Even.”

It wasn’t like he thought the last guy he’d been dating was the one true love, but he had felt there were a connection between them, they talked easily, had some common interests and he was rather handsome even though there wasn’t any hair to disappear in or pull as they kissed, since he had sported a 3 millimeter military haircut.

They had been seeing each other for a little over two months and were ready to put a label on their relationship, both agreeing it was OK to put _in a relationship_ as status on Facebook, but Even knew he had to tell him about his illness. Two weeks after the status update, Even had to change his status again, and too angry, too humiliated, too depressed to change it back to _single_ , he made his status hidden.

So there he was, sitting in Mikaels apartment, at his couch, crying his eyes out into his shirt.

_Will someone ever love me?_

 

.

 

“Even?” Sana said after having heard from his brother that he was single again.

“Mhm.” Even said with his eyes set on the TV screen.

“I should hook you up with a friend of mine.”

Even looked up at Elias’ two years younger sister, wondering why she was trying to hook him up with one of her friends. Did he look that desperate? Even and his friends didn’t hang out with her that much. Ok, he had eaten dinner with her, Elias and their parents every other day back in the high school days and he still had dinner there quite often, but it wasn’t like they socialised much beyond that. She was just Elias’ little sister after all.  

“What?” Everyone said simoustanly.

“Don’t look so shocked, I have cool friends too.” Sana rolled her eyes.

“You have a gay friend?” Mikael asked.

“Yeah. A friend from high school. He was my biology partner for two years.”

“Biology partner?” Even mumbled.

“Yep. And I think you would be a perfect match.” Sana said.

“I doubt it,” Even sighed.

“Why?” Sana raised her eyebrows. “I haven’t told you anything about him.”

“Because I’m not a perfect match with anyone,” Even huffed.

“That’s not true,” Mikael argued, squeezing his shoulder and the others agreed. Sana, Elias and Mutta all nodded.

“So what does this guy look like,” Elias asked. “Your so called cool friend.”

Sana pulled out her phone and searched for a picture of Isak on facebook.

“Like this,” she said and showed Elias the picture.

“Look at him, Even. He looks like a good guy, don’t you think?”

Even took hold of the phone, because why not, he could at least have a look at him. Well, he didn’t end up looking at him, it was more like an intense staring, because wow, that must be the most gorgeous looking guy he’d ever seen. That smile was to die for, he had a cute gap between his front teeth. Those eyes, he could drown in them and don’t forget about the hair; that was something way else than a stupid military cut. This was some proper hair he could let his hands disappear in and suddenly all sorts of inappropriate thoughts popped up.

“Even? Hello! Earth is calling Even Bech Næsheim.” Elias nudged him, yanking him out of his train of thoughts. “I think we all know what you think of him,” he laughed.

“He’s handsome,” Even had to admit, reluctantly giving Sana her phone back.

“So if I ask if he wants to meet you and he says yes, will you do it?” Sana asked.

“Yeah, whatever,” Even said to stop Sana from nagging. It wasn’t like it was ever gonna happen anyway considering his luck the past years.

“Cool. I’ll text him later. I need a picture of you.”

“Eh- why?”

“Because I would like to send Isak one.”

“Isak?” Even asked.

“Yes, that’s his name. Isak.”

Even repeated the name to himself. He loved the name and it fit him perfectly.

“I have a good one,” Elias exclaimed and found one on his phone. “This!”

“Ugh, no.” Even groaned and shook his head. “I look awful there!”

“I have the perfect one!” Mikael said enthusiastically, scrolling through all the pictures on his phone. “Here!” He smiled. “Who can resist such a smile?”

“Yes! That’s perfect,” Elias chimed in and Mutta agreed.

“I don’t know about perfect, but I suppose it’s better than the last one. Even though I’m grinning like a dork.”

“I think Isak will like that smile,” Sana informed. “He has a weak spot for a good smile.”

“Get ready for a date, Even!” Mutta pointed at Even with one eye open.

“I’ll just give him the basics, OK?”

“Just don’t tell him-” Even started, but got cut off.

“Of course not. It’s up to you to tell that when you see him,” Sana smiled.

“ _If_ you mean,” Even corrected.

“When. My intuition says you’re a perfect match.” Sana looked at Even that just rolled his eyes.

“Your female intuition?” Elias teased. “Ooohh, my baby sister has a female intuition.”

“Oh shut up, Elias!” Sana barked walking away. “I’ll text you the deets as soon as he replies, Even.”

That afternoon, when Even came home, he lay in bed staring at the ceiling thinking about Isak. He couldn’t get that beautiful boy off his mind. It annoyed him that he hadn’t asked for his last name so he could look him up online, but it was probably for the best. Nothing was going to happen between them anyway. He would probably turn him down on the spot.

Even didn’t hear from Sana that evening and he couldn’t help but feel a bit disappointed. But hey, what else was new? It’s not that he has had any luck the past two years, so why would it suddenly change now?  

Oh, just another day in life of Even.

 

.

 

The tray of pills greeted him as he examined himself in the bathroom mirror. A daily reminder that he wasn’t like everyone else. Even huffed as he tried to gain control of his own hair, it was a real mess and on a good day he probably would’ve laughed, but not today. The fact that he hadn’t heard anything from Sana yet tugged in the back of his mind, it hadn’t really left his mind since yesterday.

He looked at the bed one last time before turning off the lights to the bedroom. It looked so inviting and all he really wanted to was to crawl under the duvet and sleep. Sleep until everything felt better again. But he couldn’t. He had used his two last sick-days a week ago, in the aftermath of being dumped. So he just had to bend his back and get on with the day - work awaited.

Standing by the coffee machine, Even was deep in his own thoughts, staring at the coffee filling up the green mug Mikael once had given him years ago. It was worn, but you could still see the outline of the print. _Don’t worry. Be happy._ _How is that possi-_. The buzzing sound from his phone, yanked him out of his train of thoughts.

Sana: _Consider yourself busy on saturday, Isak just texted me back. He wants to meet you. <3 Phone number: 922 23 155 / Isak Valtersen. Have fun and thank me later! _

He instantly lit up and his heart started to race a bit faster. After reading the text four times, wondering why he had said yes, he picked up his mug and hastily walked towards his desk in the corner of the office. Before logging onto the internal system, before checking his mail, even before taking a zip of the coffee, yeah before anything really, he typed in Isak Valtersen on facebook. His profile didn’t reveal much about him other than that he liked 90ies hip hop, Nas and some random funny sites as 9gag and the Oatmeal. He clicked on his profile picture and took a screenshot, planning to email it to himself.

“Even?” A faint sound came from the other side of the room. “Even!” someone shouted and Even looked up, seeing his colleague, Anne trying to get his attention.

“Yes, Anne. Sorry,” he apologized,  abruptly clicking away the facebook site as he saw her approche him.

“Have you seen the email I just sent you? I need you to create two agreements for me asap.”

“Uhm- no. I’ll do it right away.”

Even logged on the systems and quickly made Anne the agreements she needed, handed it to her before returning to Isak. He emailed the picture to himself and downloaded it to his phone. Pretending to work, filling up his two screens with lots of different windows, he texted Mikael.

Even: he said yes!

Mikael: see, I knew he couldn’t resist that smile. So when are you meeting up?

Even: saturday apparently. That’s when Sans said he was available.

Mikael: <3<3<3

Even: <3

Putting down his phone, he looked at the coffee mug, before taking a zip. _Don’t worry. Be happy._ He was happy, extremely happy. But he couldn’t deny he was worried too, extremely worried. He couldn’t afford to screw this up, he was going on a date with the most handsome guy he’d ever seen after all and if this failed, he could say goodbye to love and welcome a life living in solitude.

When lunch came, Even snuck out of the office with his lunch and placed himself at a bench in park nearby. He needed to get away from his colleagues for a while. He stared at the phone wondering if he was the one to initiate a conversation with Isak or if he should wait until he did it. Half way down his sandwich he, decided to write him. He didn’t expect Isak to instantly reply and his heart was now beating faster than ever.

Even: Hi :) Sana gave me your number. So you’re avail on saturday. I thought maybe we could take a boat out to one of the islands and have a small barbeque? Or is it boring?

Isak: Hi :) Islands and a bbq sounds nice. When?

Even: 16-ish?

Isak: cool. Meet up at Rådhuskaia?

Even: ok :)

Even: I’ll bring food. Hot dogs and potato salad?

Isak: nice, I’ll bring a disposable grill.

Even: good.

Isak: then I’ll see you on saturday, looking forward to it.

Even: same here :)

_Holy shit! This is really happening. I’m meeting Isak Valtersen on saturday._

Even sighed happily as he looked at Isak’s photo for the 50th time today. How could anyone be so gorgeous?

 

.

 

Even had promised himself that the next one he was going to date, was gonna learn about his mental illness right away. If they didn’t want to deal with it, they might as well let him know immediately, sparing him from heartache and humiliation later on. But he didn’t think he would end up on a date so soon and now the thought of telling really scared him.

“How can I be less me, Mikael? I can’t afford to screw this up.”

“Be less you? I say just be you. If he can’t handle you as you are, he’s not a keeper.”

“But maybe I can be just a little bit less me and a bit more normal. Maybe I have better chance then?”

“Even,” Mikael said and cupped his face. “Normal? What is that? And normal is way overrated anyway. When you find someone with the right heart, he will love every part of you. Just like I do. Because less of you, means a different you and who wants that?”

“No wonder you are my best friend, Mikael.”

Even wrapped his arms around him and squeezed real hard. Mikael had been his best friends since forever and he loved every part of their friendship. Even could be himself completely, he didn’t have to hide or be less himself. Mikael accepted him as he was, but was always honest in his answers and never beat around the bush if he disagreed with him. Mikael was also never afraid of intimacy and arms were always open for a big hug and never shied away if Even needed to let out a good cry. Though Even rarely cried in front of Mikael, there were a few things he kept for himself.

“So you think I should just be myself?”

“Definitely.”

“I’m gonna tell him about my mental health,” Even stated looking at Mikael, waiting for his honest opinion.

“On saturday?” Mikael asked.

“Yes. He might as well know about it right away. Then he can opt out and spare me from heartache later one.”

“Yeah, maybe not a bad idea. If he wants to bail, at least you know immediately.

“But he better not opt out,” Even sighed. “Because if this doesn’t work out, I might as well stay single forever.”

“Forever? Aren’t you a bit dramatic now? Yes you are,” Mikael said answering his own question.

“Maybe, but look at him? He is the prettiest thing on earth. You know how many I’ve swiped left on on Tinder. No one have ever been remotely close to this kind of beauty. He’s just perfect and if I can’t have him, I don’t want anyone.”

“But you’ve only seen him on a picture, what if he’s a total asshole?”

“Come on! Have you seen those eyes and that smile? He’s like the sun and I’m confident he can bright up the darkest days and you know I have some of those.  He might not be ready for a mental nutcase like me, but he can never be an asshole. Never!”

“Even. Please don’t refer yourself to a mental nutcase.”

“I am bipolar, Mikael.”

“Yeah, but mental nutcase- it sounds so-”

“Whatever. At least I have a diagnosis. I have mental issues. You on the other hand, is just a nutcase!” Even’s laugh filled the room and Mikael couldn’t help but laugh too.

“That’s why we fit so well together, Even.”

“If we’re both single at age 40, will you be my boyfriend?”

“Sure,” Mikael laughed.

“Yay!” Even exclaimed and kissed Mikael on the lips.

 

.

 

Every single shorts and t-shirt was scattered around his room. Even had a real crisis, not managing to decide what to wear for his date. It was so hot outside, the sky was cloudfree and the sun was making him sweat just by thinking of it. If he could’ve he would’ve gone naked, that’s how hot it was, but that would be a terrible idea. Running naked in the streets of Oslo probably wasn’t the right way to charm Isak.

Feeling like a 16 year old girl, he sent pictures of himself with two different outfits to Mikael so he could share his opinion.

Even: This or this? (Please don’t laugh, I’m having a real crisis!!!)

Mikael: hahaha. You got it bad, Even. <3 Both looks good.

Even: Not helping!!! You gotta pick one. Which looks best. I can’t decide.

Mikael: hmm. The second one.

Even: Or what about this? Gaah!

Mikael: also good. I vote for no. 2.

Even: thanks!!!

Mikael: good luck <3

Even: <3 But you better be ready if I text you and I need to be saved from a horrible date.

Mikael: sure, whenever you want. <3

Even ended up with some dark blue shorts and pale blue t-shirt. Flip flops would be more convenient, but he went for some new red Adidas sneakers, he was going on a date after all and he couldn’t afford to screw this up.

With a backpack full of things he walked to the tram, nearly skipping, with belly full of butterflies and a stupid grin on his face. In less thirty minutes he was going to see Isak fucking Valtersen, the sun himself, the prettiest guy in the universe. Did he dare to say it out loud - the man of his of his life?  

He was of course ten minutes early, didn’t want to be late for this. Standing, leaning towards a fence, he scouted for anyone looking like Isak flipping the phone around in his hand, tapping his right foot repeatedly against the hot asphalt. Thousand thoughts swirled around his head, almost making him dizzy. The sun made him squint a little while his sunglasses was resting on top of his head. When looking into Isak’s eyes for the first time, he didn’t want there to be anything between them, not any colored glasses making his eyes a little less real.

Suddenly he saw someone with a bike looking like Isak and he flinched, nearly dropping his phone. He past him, probably going to place his bike at the nearest bike park. A minute later he came walking towards him and Even thought he looked even prettier in real life, making his heart pound real fast, heating up even more than he already had.

“Even?” he asked with a smile.

“Yes. You must be Isak, Even smiled back.

_Shit! What do I do? Do I shake his hand? Too formal? Do I hug him? Or is that too much? Oh shit, what do I do?_

Before Even managed to figure out how to greet Isak, Isak took a step forward and hugged Even, placing his hand on his back.

“Nice to meet you.”

“Likewise.”

Isak smelled good, oh so good. Isak’s sunglasses hung on his shirt, but fell on the ground as they let go of each other.

“Oh, here,” Even said handing him the glasses and had to concentrate real hard not to stare. Their fingers touched and when Isak thanked him with a wide smile, it sent jolts through Even’s spine. He could indeed drown in those eyes.

“So, are you ready?”

“Yes,” Even lied. He was far from ready for this date, but there wasn’t anything else to do than go on. “Looks like we’re not the only one who had the idea to take the boat to the islands today.” Even huffed out a laugh. “Maybe I should’ve suggested something else?”

“Nah. It will be fine. As long as we find a spot for ourselves.” _Ourselves? Do you want to be alone with me?_ “So we don’t have to sit on top of anyone else I mean,” Isak quickly added, blushing.

“Hovedøya? That is the biggest island I think.”

“Let’s do that!”

“So you’re friends with Sana?” Even asked after finding a spot on the deck to stand, thinking it was a safe to start talking about the link between them.

“Yep. We went to high school together for three years, having classes together the last two. You’re a friend of her brother right?” Isak asked.

“Yes, her big brother Elias. We’re the same age. Also went to school together.”

“Sana is badass.”

“She is? I’ve always just seen her as Elias’ baby sister.”

“Once in our second year in high school, we were at the same party and I had some weed. The party got a little out of hand and the cops came. I freaked out and put the weed in a empty vase. Sana saw it and hid it under her hijab so the host wouldn’t get in any trouble in case the cops had found it. A few days later she blackmailed me to join a group at school called _kosegruppa_ , to help out with the yearly revue.”

“What?”

“Yeah, she said I would get my stash if I joined the group.”

“Whoa! That’s badass indeed. Never would’ve thought she was like that.” Even chuckled. “Never thought she would hook me up with a hot date either.” When he realised the words actually escaped his mouth, he blushed and laughed nervously.

“I can say the same,” Isak laughed equally nervous.

They lapsed into an awkward silence after somewhat unintentionally establishing that they thought the other one was a hot date.

“I’m not gonna say anything about the weather,” Isak suddenly said. “Everyone starts to talk about the weather when they don’t know what to say. Strange huh?” He laughed and Even could not help but laugh too.

“True. I wonder if it’s a worldwide phenomenon or just us weird Norwegians that do it?”

“I haven’t been abroad enough to know.”

“Me neither.”

They lapsed back into silence looking out on the fjord and the waves the boat created. A loud growl came from Even’s belly. He had hardly eaten anything today, being too nervous.

“Hungry?”

“You heard that growl too?” Even asked slightly embarrassed.

“Hard to miss.” Isak chuckled.

“I guess. And yes, I’m hungry.”

“Me too. Looking forward to get that grill heated.”

“Mmm.”

Even looked at Isak and pictured him with a hot dog in his mouth and suddenly the hot dog was replaced with a dick and he had to turn around, faking a sneeze, not to reveal his flushed face.

_Stop it! You can’t have such inappropriate thoughts now. Not yet! You just met him, for god's sake._

“Any plans for the summer?” Isak asked and Even was happy they could talk about a light topic. “Going on holiday?”

“Haven’t planned anything yet. Maybe a few days in Copenhagen, I really like it there.”

“Hah! I had actually planned that myself. Or Jonas and I, but it seems like Jonas can’t go so I dunno.” He looked at Even who clearly didn’t know who Jonas was. “Oh- Jonas is my best friend by the way.”

“OK.”

“Who are you travelling with?”

Even rest his eyes on his red sneakers, not knowing what to say. The fact was that he probably would go alone because neither of his friends were off at the same time and even though he had no trouble with travelling alone, he felt embarrassed telling Isak just that. He didn’t want to come off as a total weirdo Nobody went on a holiday alone, right? But he couldn’t lie to him either. It felt very wrong to do that, so he took a deep breath and looked up at at him.

“Well- it seems like I’ll be going alone because all of my friends are working when I’m off or they have already planned something else this year,” Even said and was suddenly picturing how it would be to go together with Isak.

“And you would do that? Go alone?” Isak wondered.

“Yeah, it would be fine.”

“That’s cool!”

“And you wouldn’t?” Even looked at Isak.

“Not sure if I’d dared. Seems a bit lonely and I’m.pretty sure all my friends would think I was weird.”

“All my friends thinks that already,” Even chuckled.”So it won’t make any difference.”

“Well, then you’re more confident than I am.”

“Oh I don’t know about that,” he said looking out on the fjord. “ You got all summer off? Sana told me you’re studying.”

“Im off school, but I’m working some too. I work at this lab, but I got three weeks off now, because it’s closed.”

“Heh! I got three weeks off too now.” Even instantly felt butterflies in his belly. His brain suddenly went highwire thinking about all the possibilities for Isak and him together. Pictures of them doing all sorts of things together flashed in front of him and he had to bite his tongue not to suggest something stupid to Isak, something that would make him look desperate and way too eager. He had just met Isak after all and they should probably get to know each other a bit better before Even asked if they should go on vacation to Copenhagen together. But deep down, Even knew that if Isak asked him, there would be no doubt inside him. He would say yes on the spot, because even though they’d only known each for 20 minutes, he knew that Isak was the one. He just knew.

A loud noise yanked him out of his train of thoughts and suddenly he worried how long he had been drifting off, not paying attention. He gave himself an imaginary facepalm telling himself to slow down his brain and focus to his date. Slowly he looked over at Isak who was silently admiring him. Or at least it looked like it from what Even could see and he couldn’t help but redden. The fact that Isak kept staring at him made him blush even more.

_This is Hovedøya. Next stop will be Bleikøya._

“Ready?” Even asked, breaking the tension lingering in the air.

“Yep. Never been readier,” he said smiling.

“I think I know a place,” Even let him know as they walked off the boat.

“Lead the way,” Isak commanded, saluting him as if he was some military guy. Thankful he wasn’t because Even wouldn’t trade those curls for a 3mm haircut or anything else for that matter.

They walked in silence for a few minutes, Even in the front, Isak right behind. A very happy dog greeted them on their way to the spot Even and they stopped to talk to it. Nine minutes later, the reached the spot Even had picked, located on the south side of the island, with a view overlooking the fjord. They had walked in silence mostly, only commented on random things on the way.

“Is this OK?”

“Perfect! Not too crowded.” Isak smiled.

Even put down his backpack and sat down on the ground and Isak did the same. Isak wrapped up the disposable grill and Even unfolded the picnic blanket he’d borrowed from his mum before emptying the backpack.

“Fuck, I forgot matches!” Isak exclaimed palming his face. “What a rookie mistake. You got some?”

“I have a lighter,” Even smiled. “Here.” He handed him the lighter and their hands unintentionally touched again, making Even flinch.

“Thank you!” Isak smiled and lit the grill.

Even sat cross legged at the blanket with several different types of hot dogs beside him. Isak placed himself in front of him, facing Even and a big grin revealed as he saw the food.

“WOW! Look at the variety of hot dogs! You sure went all in.”

“Well, I didn’t know what you liked or not. Maybe I should’ve asked you, but I figured out it must be something you would like. I didn’t fuck up, did I?” Even suddenly got all worried he hadn’t picked anything that Isak liked.

“Not at all. How can anyone fuck up when it comes to hotdogs? I eat everything!” Isak laughed.

“Oh good.” Even sighed in relief.   

Even had trouble keeping the conversation floating. Not only because Isak was so utterly breathtaking that all he could think of was how lucky he was to be sitting across him on a date, but also because he was trying to think of a way to tell him about his mental health. He knew he had to bring it up somehow, but it was never easy to know how to start the conversation. A big part of him was terrified Isak would run as soon as he found out, no matter how friendly and kind Isak looked. He had been fooled before and it might as well happen again.

“How old are you again?” Isak asked, breaking his train of thoughts.

“I’m 26,” Even answered letting his hand run through his hair. “And I’m bipolar.” The words unintentionally just slip out of him and for a few seconds it felt like the universe was put on hold - that the birds had stopped circling above them, the waves had stopped making sounds and the people around them had stopped talking - and nobody knew what to do.

_Is this what it’s like to stand in front of four judges waiting to be X’ed out or voted to the next round? Say something, anything really. Rip off the band aid! Just get it over with, please._

“OK.” Isak just smiled and Even didn’t get much wiser. What the hell did that OK mean? Was he waiting for Even to elaborate? They lapsed into silence and Even thought Isak needed some time to digest it before saying something more, but when he didn’t say anything and the silence became awkward, Even knew he had to say something.

"I don't know if you've heard about it?" He asked nervously, rubbing his sweaty hands, briefly looking at Isak before resting his eyes on his feet.

"You being bipolar? No, Sana didn't tell me that."

"No- I meant about the mental illness."

"Oooh. You meant the illness itself. Yes, I've heard about." Isak blushed and facepalmed himself. "Don’t mind my stupidity. I'm just a little nervous you see.” Isak huffed out a tiny laugh. "It's not everyday you get to go on a date with James Dean. Never been that lucky before to be honest."

"What?" Even looked up feeling his cheeks turn two shades darker.

"Haven't anyone told you  look like James Dean before?"

"Ehhh- no."

Even thought the compliment was far from the truth, he most certainly didn’t look like James Dean, but he couldn’t help but blush by the comparison. Because James Dean was a fucking movie legend and anyone who knew Even, knew that he loved movies more than life itself and if there was anyone at age 26 who had seen a James Dean movie, it was him. The film nerd in him cheered by the fact that Isak knew who James Dean was, not many 24 year old guys did and it lit a fire inside him.  

"Well now you know, you look like him." Isak chuckled nervously.

_Shit. What do I say. I wanna ask him about James Dean and if he’s seen any of his movies and if he has, get his view on the movie and maybe we could discuss it. But no, I should give him a compliment back, shouldn’t I? Yes, probably. That would be polite. Calm down, Even. Don’t go all bananas now, just give him a compliment. I can talk about movies later._

"Thanks. " Even smiled shyly. "I really like your curls. I know you might not like it, guys often don't when I say it, but I find them extremely cute."

_God, was that all I could come up with?_

"Cute, huh? I don't mind people calling me cute, but I can't say I agree. I'm so fed up with my curls, thinking of giving them a real trim. Going five mm, military style."

"Please dont,” Even said, maybe a little too fast because Isak frowned a little.

"You don't think it will look good on me?"

"Everything will look good on you, but curls would be better,” he blurt out feeling his cheeks turning two shades darker. He never had trouble complimenting others on dates, but Isak made him extremely nervous and self conscious. “Well- uhm-  that's just my opinion. It's your hair," he quickly added.

"It's not _just_ your opinion when it comes from James fucking Dean."

“Oh-” Even replied, not sure how to respond. Receiving compliments had never been his strong side, his lack of self esteem played a prominent part of his life.

“I wish I had your hair. It’s perfect.”

“Pfft. This?” He pointed at his head and shook his head. A small laugh emerged. “You’re lucky today, to witness my hair behave. On most days my hair is doing the opposite of what I want.”

Isak had called him James Dean twice now and the quirky, obsessive side got the better of him. He just had to know what Isak knew about him and if he’d seen any of his movies.

“So, have you seen any James Dean movies?” Even asked eagerly.

“Nope. Hasn’t he been dead for like 50 years or something?” Isak chuckled.

“Over 60,” Even stated, biting his tongue not to give Isak Dean’s life story. “But his movies didn’t die with him you know?”

“True.”

“You should see Rebel Without a Cause,” Even said enthusiastically and then gave Isak a long resume of the movie, gesticulating with his hands

“Are you what some would label as a film nerd?” Isak asked with a crooked smile and it was then Even understood he’d slipped up and talked way too much about the movie. He gave himself an imaginary slap on the cheek and reminded himself to not be so much Even.

“Eh- sorry if it bored you. I tend to talk too much when it comes to movies and that one is one of my favs. I’m sorry.”

“No, no. Don’t be. I love it when someone is passionate about something.”

“Same here! What are you passionate about?”

“Well-” Isak hesitated. “Biology-” he said and Even got the feeling he was embarrassed about his answer.

“So biology huh?”

“It’s lame, isn’t it?” Isak blushed.

“No not at all. What sparked it?”

“It came easy to me in school. Then me and Sana had a competition, who would be the best and during the two years in high school I got really hooked.”

“So who was the best, you or Sana?”

“Sana would probably say that she was the best of us, but we both aced our exames.”

“And now, what are you doing now? Still studying biology?”

“I just finished my bachelor in cell and molecular biology. Will start on my master in biotechnology this fall.”

“And that is?” Even scratched his forehead, nose all crinkled up. He had of course heard of biotechnology, but didn’t quite grasp the meaning of it.

“Biotechnology involves studies of molecules, cells and organisms,” Isak started enthusiastically. “-with the aim of understanding how biological processes work. It is to be able to develop methods for production of biomolecules like vaccines, enzymes, plants etc.”

“That just went above my head,” Even laughed. “So you’ll be able to make a vaccine against lets see- cancer?”

“I might yes, but I doubt that will be the first thing I do. I’m not exactly Einstein.”

“But that’s so rad!”

“It’s not nerdy, you think?

“Not at all. I dig when people immerses into something, whether it’s biology or something else.” Even grinned. “But- it does make me feel a bit- well- all I do is work at an office, shuffling paper and write emails.” Even huff.

“You never pursued a career in film? Since you’re a filmnerd.”

“Well-,” Even started and cleared his throat. “I did start film school when I was 21,  but I quit.”

“Oh- why?”

“Life happened. I went through a rough period and I had to quit,” he stated, not elaborating on this mental breakdown that led him to be diagnosed with bipolar. “Never got back to it after that.”

His chest clenched. It was always hard to talk about film school and what had happened. His face must’ve revealed the pain and the sadness in his voice was probably not to miss, no matter how he had tried to sound unaffected by it, because Isak stilled his hand that was rapidly tapping his own thigh by taking it into his and squeeze it gently.  

“You can start over, you know. It’s not too late.” The way the words escaped Isak’s mouth, the sincerity in his voice made his heart swell. It wasn’t just something he said, he felt Isak really meant what he was saying.

“I guess not.”

“It’s never too late.”

_Shit! Isak is touching me. His skin is so smooth. This is awkward, but oh so nice. Please don’t ever let go of my hand._

When Isak finally let go of him, he wanted to grab his hand again, let their fingers lace because it felt like their hands belonged to each other. It might be a stupid thought, but it was what his heart told him, beating a little bit faster and it was what the butterflies inside his belly told him, flying around like they were drunk in love.

“Looks like the grill is about to be ready,” Isak said and nodded towards it.

“Finally.” Even’s stomach growled loudly as the words escaped his mouth and both started to laugh. “I haven’t eaten much today,” Even said feeling the need to explain himself. “Too nervous,” he added, briefly looking at Isak before resting his eyes on the hot dogs.

“Me too. Have you gone on many blind dates before?”

“Nope.” Even shook his head. “This is the first and hopefully the last.”

“Oh- you don’t like blind dates?” Isak asked nervously not able to let his eyes rest on anything.

“No, it’s- eh- I really like his! So I was more thinking- I dunno.” Even started to sweat. Couldn’t reveal he thought Isak felt like _the one_ already. Didn’t want to come off that desperate. “I really like this,” he just said feeling really dumb.

“So do I. Never done this before either. It’s going quite well, don’t you think?” Isak smiled and Even died inside, thinking Isak might actually kill him someday with that smile.

“I suppose it isn’t going so bad. If I just could stop being so weird,” Even huffed.

“You’re not weird all. I like you, whatever you think is weird, I like that too.”

Isak’s cheek were crimson red and his smile was even wider. Even was close to death now, but didn’t want to die just yet, not until he’d kissed Isak‘s lips, at least once, but preferably numerous of times. Maybe like ten million five hundred and twenty four times or there about.

“Oh- thanks.” Even smiled awkwardly, because how could it be that Isak liked everything about him? Maybe it was because he was hungry and that clouded his brain, tricked his mind somehow? “We better get those hot dogs on the grill before it dies on us.”

“Yes! You’re not the only one being hungry.”

Even handed Isak hot dogs to place on the grill and then he unpacked the other stuff they needed. Five minutes later they sat eating. Even had turned on some music and his playlist had sparked a conversation about old school hip hop that they instantly discovered they both loved. Soon they were deep in a conversation about the awful movie about Tupac, Eminem, Nas and N.W.A’s brilliant album Straight Outta Compton. Even had even mustered up the courage to recite most of Nas’ the Message to Isak’s delight. Time passed, the talk went by so effortlessly, like they had been friends forever, and they ended up forgetting the hot dogs on the grill.

“Oh shit!” Even suddenly said.

“What?” Isak frowned.

“Look at the hot dogs,” he laughed. “Or should I day the remains of them?” They were all black.

“Oh shit indeed,” Isak looked at the sad looking hot dogs, now laughing too. “But we got more, right?” he asked as the laughter stilled.

“Yep. I’ll put on some more. Do you want one or two?”

“Two I think?”

“OK. I’ll put on four and then we’ll just eat what we feel like.”

The conversation was floating better now that they talked about something light and something both were passionate about. There were times when Even had to turn his face out on the fjord, because Isak was laughing so hard and was so utterly cute, he worried his heart couldn’t take it, that it would swell so many sizes it would explode.

“Ahh, this one is great,” Even said and turned up the volume.

“What? Gabrielle?” Isak huff. “This is a fucking hashtag,” he laughed and shook his head.

“What do you mean?” Even frowned.

“When you’ve met the man of your life and he likes Gabrielle.” Isak still laughed, but when he three seconds later realised what he’d said, the laughter quickly turned into awkward huffs.

_The man of your life? Did you really say that? What the fuck? Shit, I wanna kiss him. Maybe I can scoot myself closer towards him and unintentionally touch his hand? Or maybe fall into his lap? Should I? God no, I can’t. Jesus Christ, you’re so freaking adorable, I can’t handle it. Please stop being so cute. No, don’t stop. I want all the cuteness in the world._

Even’s mouth flew open. A lot of thoughts swirled around his head. Looking at Isak he saw his face flushed, cheeks turning dark red and he looked so freaking adorable. Isak was definitely cute when he blushed.

“Eh- uhm- I mean that’s how the hashtag goes-” Isak said nervously. Even wanted to comment on the flushed face, tell him how much he liked it when Isak blushed, but decided not to, he didn’t want to make Isak feeling more awkward than it looked like he did.

“I can’t believe you don’t like this song,” Even just said bopping his head to the beat, singing parts of the song.

“Well, I can’t believe you like it,” Isak laughed. “You even know the lyrics.”

“Is it that bad?” Even wondered.

“I think I can get past it, as long as you don’t play it again when I’m around.”

_When I’m around? Do you think we’re going to be around each other more than this evening? Do you? I really hope you do, because I want to spend every fucking minute with you for the rest of my life._

“I can’t promise anything,” Even said.

The next song that was also a song by Gabrielle and Isak just rolled his eyes when it started to play.

“Another one?” Isak lifted his eyebrows and looked at Even.

“What can I say, I like Gabrielle,” Even shrugged.

A silence occured. Even briefly looked at Isak, then rested his eyes the seagull sitting on a rock in front of them.

_You’re weird. You react more to me liking Gabrielle than me telling I’m bipolar. Does this mean it’s going quite well? Or didn’t he say anything about the bipolar thing because he didn’t know what to say? Maybe he just didn’t say anything out of politeness and when the evening is over, he will casually thank me for a nice evening and run? He said I was the man of his life. That has to count for something, right? No wait, it’s just a hashtag. He didn’t mean it literally, probably just a way of speaking. Yeah, that’s it. And now he hates the fact that I like Gabrielle..._

What seemed like a hundred of thoughts, floated around his head conflicting each other. His heart wanted Isak to like him so bad, but of course the negative thoughts popped up and told his heart to halt and not get his hopes up high, not to think too much of himself, not to imagine he was good enough for Isak.

“Joke aside,” Isak started, like he’d taken a dive into Even’s mind and read all his thoughts. It was more likely that he’d just seen Even’s worried face. “You liking Gabrielle is fine. The fact that you recited the Message to me, is all I need to know you’re good. I still haven’t gotten over that. Like wow!”

“Well- I’ve heard that song like 480 times or something and I was kind of obsessed with it for a while.” Even let out a relieved sigh.

“Still, I’m in awe. I might have to kiss your feet,” he chuckled.

_Kiss my feet? Please do. I want to be kissed by you, preferably on the mouth, but I’ll take what I get. Feet are fine. Any parts are fine. My dick would be great actually. Even! Don’t think about his dick, your face will flush. Stop it! Just. Stop. It._

“Ugh, not my sticky feet. I’m sweaty. Damn it’s hot outside today!” Even huff.

“It sure is. It must be like 25 degrees (celsius) at least.”

“If not more, lemme check.” Even took up his phone. “It says it’s 26 degrees and it’s 18.30. Pretty warm day. I feel like taking a dip. Look at those people. Doesn’t it look nice?” Even pointed at a group of people floating in the water.

“It sure does. Didn’t bring any towels though. Didn’t think of that.”

“Me neither. But don’t you think we’ll dry up before it’s time to go?”

“Yeah, maybe?”

“If you don’t have to be somewhere anytime soon though? I dunno.” Even suddenly got nervous again. What if Isak wanted to leave soon and now was forced to stay because _he_ wanted to take a swim. “We don’t have to swim, I’m pretty sure we’re not melting away if we just stay here.”

“Fuck it,” Isak said letting his smile widen. “Let’s take a dip. I don’t have any place I need to be.”

“OK!” Even lit up. “But who’s gonna watch our belongings?”

“Those maybe?” Isak said and pointed at a couple of elderly people. “Excuse me?”

“Yes?” the man said looking up at Isak.

“We’re practically melting away here. Would it be OK if you watched our belongings while we take a swim?” Isak put up a bright smile.

“I suppose we can,” he said.

“Of course we will!” the woman interrupted. “Go swim you two. We’ll make sure no one takes your stuff.”

“Thank you so much.”

Even got a little self conscious taking off his shorts and t-shirt. He normally didn’t have any problems with his own body, but with Isak everything was different. Now everything mattered because Isak was just so special. Suddenly he felt all lanky and uncomfortable, standing in just his boxers.

_Fuck! Why did I put on those boxers? Once bright white, now more off white or yellow. Shit! There’s even a tiny hole in the waistband of the boxer. Fuckety fuck!_

_Holy fuck. Look at that!_

Even looked up at Isak standing next to him wearing a tight blue boxer. His body hadn’t been exposed to much sun this summer, it was quite pale, but Even couldn’t care less, because holy fuck, that was one sexy body. His own slack boxers were instantly forgotten. That body was all that was on his mind. Even’s face flushed, turned four shades darker in one go and he had to turn around so Isak wouldn’t see him all hot and bothered. If they didn’t get into the water soon, he was sure his body would betray him and give him an unforgivable boner. That could _not_ happen.  

“Ready?” Isak smiled.

“Yup,” Even said a bit shaky.

They walked over some rocks, some of them slippery and dived into the water. The water cooled Even down as soon as he broke the surface, making waves in the water. Seeing Isak play around in the water, swimming around, ducking under making his hair all wet, Even’s mind drifted off like it often did. It wasn’t more than ten days ago he’d watched Romeo & Juliet for the 20th time or something and all he could think of was that underwater kiss. How awesome wouldn’t it be to be able to recreate that with Isak? The idea nearly gave him a boner and he had to force himself to think about something else.

“This is really nice,” Isak exclaimed, swimming towards Even.

“Yes,” Even agreed. “I felt like I was about to evaporate.

“I’m really glad you didn’t,” Isak smiled. “Would’ve been real sad.”

“You think so?”

“Yes. I like you too much for you to evaporate,” Isak said quietly, ducking under water again.

“I like you too. A lot,” Even whispered, but Isak couldn’t hear him, still being under water, so he repeated his words when Isak resurfaced again. “I like you too.”  They didn’t say anything, but just looked at each other, let their eyes rest for a good ten seconds, just smiling.

Even was sure time had stopped, because all he could hear was his own heartbeat. Everything else, the seagulls, the water, the laughing kid, the boat cruising around had stilled. Looking into the green-grey eyes made the butterflies go into a frenzy and the fact that Isak held the stare, didn’t look away, made his heart bolt.

“Shit!” Isak suddenly exclaimed. “What was that? Did a seagull just shit in my head?” Isak gently touched his own hair, trying to find out if it really had happened.

“Let me,” Even said and swam towards Isak and took a look at his hair. “Yup,” he said, biting his tongue not to laugh. Even wiped away most of the shit with his fingers, dipping it in water to clean it.

“Oh god, so gross. You didn’t have to,” Isak huff.

“It’s nothing,” Even smiled and was just happy he could touch Isak’s hair. “You better duck and rinse your hair a bit.”

“Probably a good idea.”

Isak ducked and Even did the same. They were now closer than they’d ever been before and with eyes open he saw Isak’s eyes were closed.

_Oh my god. He’s even beautiful underwater with eyes closed. Look at how his hair sways. Should I kiss him? I want to kiss him. It would be so epic to steal a kiss right now. No wait, he might freak out. What if he thinks I’m some jellyfish and start pushing me away, get all crazy and shit._

Even didn’t kiss him underwater and just surfaced the same time as Isak did.

“Is it gone now do you think?” Isak wondered.

“Let me see.” Even took a look and didn’t see any bird shit, but ruffled his hair just to be on the safe side. Well, it was more just because he wanted to touch his hair again.

“Looks good now,” Even blushed.

“Thank you.”

Ten minutes later, Even got out of the water and placed himself on the blanket. Isak had taken a long swim and was now on his way towards land. Even carefully looked at him as he climbed up the rock and walked towards him. His wet body greeted him and the tight blue boxers was plastered to his body and the outline of his dick was visible, making Even gasp. He tried his best not to stare at it, but it was hard.

“I can’t believe a seagull fucking shat on me!” Isak huff. “Bastard.”

“Me neither.” Even bit his lip not to laugh, but it was impossible to suppress it and soon he was laughing out loud. “Priceless!” Isak couldn’t do anything else than laugh along.

Even and Isak spaced out on the blanket, staring out in the air. There wasn’t a cloud in sight and it was still warm. The conversation got going again and before they knew it one and half hour had passed. They had talked about everything and nothing and all the things in between. At one point both of them had turned to the side and now their head rest in the palm of their hand and eyes locked.

Even looked at Isak’s mouth as he spoke enthusiastically about the master he was about to embark. He didn’t understand half of what Isak talked about, but it didn’t matter, he could lie there and watch him talk for the rest of the night if he had too. It was hard to stay focused though, when all he wanted to do was to kiss Isak.

_God damn those lips. I want to kiss them. Maybe if I just scoot myself a bit closer it might happen? He won’t notice would he?_

Even scooted himself closer, and even thought it felt like half a meter and Even felt very brave, in reality it was only a few centimeters and Isak was still too far away to be kissed. It didn't look like he had kissing on his mind anyway, there he lie all absorbed in his own story. He couldn’t blame him, Even was exactly the same when he talked about something he was passionate about, he sort of forgot time and place.

They took another dive into the water. The older couple had left a while ago and nobody were there to watch their belongings, but there was no one to be seen around them, so they took the risk and left it unattended.

Lying on the blanket, soaking up sun, drying up again, fifteen minutes later, a man with a dog passed them.

“Describe that man,” Isak asked.

“Huh?” Even frowned. “Describe him?”

“Yeah, like where do you think he works and what kind of family situation does he have,” Isak explained. “Me and my friend Magnus often play this game when we sit on a bench and eat kebab. It always start very normal, but soon we come up with the craziest shit and it’s always lots of fun. Mags has the most far off ideas,” Isak chuckled.

“OK,” Even said enthusiastically, liking this game already. “Just give me a few seconds and I’ll come up with something.”

Even spent some time thinking, maybe too long even though Isak wasn’t complaining or saying anything, because he wanted to come up with something funny. He wanted to make Isak laugh, because hardly anything is better than seeing Isak laugh. When Even finally had described the man Isak was laughing so hard and Even couldn’t help but stare at him, because wow that smile was bright like the sun and he was sure it could light up the entire Oslo in one go.

Another person emerged with a big dog from some trees behind them. The dog looked like a Leonberger. Even urged Isak to describe her and the dog. His description of her was so hilarious Even peal of laughter and when Isak went on and started describing the dog, Even’s stomach was hurting.

Even was surprised, but happy that the conversation ran so effortlessly between them. It was relieving to be able to laugh uncontrollably along with Isak. Time flied away and looking at the clock he genuinely wondered how they had managed to fill the last two hours with talking. He was so smitten by Isak, the way he talked, laughed, blushed, how considerate he was and yeah- pretty much every part of Isak, that he didn’t even remember everything they had talked about.

“What time is it?” Isak asked, seeing that the sun had descended.

“Soon 23,” Even said and wondered if Isak wanted to go home. Quickly he calculated that they’d been together for seven hours and Isak probably thought that’s enough.

“I was just thinking it would be stupid to miss the last boat back to mainland,” Isak explained like he’d been reading Even’s mind again and wanted to reassure him he wasn’t bored and felt like going home.

“Oh yeah, that would be stupid,” Even chuckled. “The last boat leaves 23.20, so maybe we should pack up and go?”

“Yeah, let’s do that.”

They packed up their belongings and started walking towards the pier where the boat was leaving from. The path was quite narrow and with the twilight surrounding them, they decided not to walk sided by side. Isak took the lead and Even was close behind and with every step his chest clenched a bit, knowing their parting for the evening was closer by every second that passed. He didn’t want Isak to leave, not quite yet, he wasn't ready, after all they hadn’t kissed yet.

There were a small group of people waiting for the boat as they arrived the pier and they walked up to a fence and leaned against it.

“Oslo is beautiful this time a year,” Isak said pensive looking towards mainland.

“It sure is,” Even smiled, feeling all tense. “I think july is my favorite month, especially on days like this.

“Mhm, mine too.”

Boarding the boat, Even felt his heart beat faster. The boat ride back to mainland took eight minutes and that’s how much time he had to come up with a  plan on how to kiss Isak.

_Should I just walk up to him and pull him in for a kiss or should I just ask if I can kiss him? Shit what if he says no? Ugh, that would be so embarrassing, not to talk about disappointing. Maybe I can recreate that kissing scene in The Way He Looks? Or is that just stupid? Maybe I should just wait and see what Isak does? Maybe he’ll initiate it? But what if he doesn’t? God, I can’t let that happen. I need to kiss him tonight._

Even’s head nearly exploded from all the thoughts swirling around and it didn't help that Isak stood beside him, so close that their arms brushed against each other. If he had had an ounce of courage, he would’ve kissed him there on the spot, but he refrained from doing it, thinking it wouldn’t be fair. If Isak wanted to flee after the kiss, he would have nowhere to go.

Leaving the boat, they stopped at the same place they met seven hours and 40 minutes earlier and Even was just as nervous now as he was when they met.

“So-” Even started gazing at Isak, not quite knowing what to say. He was afraid of telling him he had a fantastic evening, scared Isak would let him know that the evening had been good, but he didn’t see this getting anywhere past a friendship.

“I’ve had a really great evening,” Isak said softly and a genuine smile revealed, making Even’s heart swell two sizes.

_Maybe there is a chance after all? That smile couldn’t be just a friendly smile, could it?_

“So did I, I had a really good time.

They lapsed into a short silence and Even wondered if Isak had a kiss on his mind too, but like him wasn't sure how to initiate it. 

“You’re biking home, yes?” Even asked, kicking a stone on the asphalt in front of him.

“Yep. I like biking,” Isak said smiling, but doesn’t move or make any sign to want to walk away.

“So do I,” Even smiled back, shifting the weight of his feet forth and back, and then they lapsed into a silence again.

_This is it! Time is running up. If you don’t say something now, it will be too late. Even! Get a grip. Just do it! Now!_

_Fuck mental illnesses, fuck everything, I need to kiss Isak._

His heart was pounding so fast, it might have popped out of his chest any minute. This was it, the true test to reveal if Isak was sincere, if he thought he was kissable or not and if he thought it was OK that he is bipolar or not. Even was still clueless about what he thought about the mental illness, since Isak hadn’t elaborated more when he told about it, just said _OK_ , and _he_ hadn’t dare to ask him what he meant by it.

“Can I ask you something? I sort of need an advice on something-”

“Sure,” Isak nodded, looking a bit confused.

“Well-,” he took a deep breath and exhaled. “If you’ve stolen a kiss from someone, how do you give it back?” Even looked into Isak’s eyes, then quickly let them rest on his shoes, afraid of the response. His hands tugged at the hem of his back pockets, body so tense, afraid of the rejection that in his head still might come.

“What kind of kiss?” Isak asked with a soft voice, making Even look up.

“What do you mean?” Even asked back, biting his lip. His heart beat so hard he wondered if Isak could hear it.

“What type of kiss did you steal, was it like was it a smooch on the cheek, a peck on the lips, sucking on lips, was it tongue?” A smile emerged and Even couldn’t look away now.

“It was both lips and tongue,” he said with a low voice, seeing Isak moving closer to him.

“Hmmm.” Isak crinkled his nose and Even held his breath, waiting for him to say something. “I would do something like this.”

Suddenly Even felt Isak’s hand in the back of his neck, pulling them closer together and he gasped. Isak pressed his lips against Even’s and he gasped again, making room for Isak to take hold of his lower lip and gently play with it. A faint smell of seawater mixed up with Isak’s own scent made its way to Even’s nose and it intoxicated him, making him want to bury his face in the arch of his neck and inhale.

Even closed his eyes, let himself get lost in the moment, shutting everything out, but Isak. Isak worked slowly, gently playing with Even’s lips before he slipped his tongue inside and delicately explored every part of his mouth. Slowly Even lost all feeling in his legs and he wondered what was holding him up, if anything. Was he levitating?

The moment Isak let go of him, he gasped leaving his mouth wide open. The loss of Isak’s lips felt prominent, like something vitale was missing. Urges welled up in him and there was nothing more he wanted than to taste those sweet lips again. He tried to say something, but he was too taken aback to form any coherent sentence.

“Was it something like that?” Isak asked, red roses painted on his cheeks. “That kiss you stole.” His voice was hardly above a whisper.

“This- this was different, but better,” Even admitted. “Way better.”

“Oh-”

“Yeah.”

“Can I see you again another day?” Isak asked with raised voice, looking into his eyes.

“Yes,” Even smiled, feeling all tingly inside. He wanted to scream that yes out loud, because there was nothing more he wanted than to spend time with Isak. “Yes,” he repeated.

_Shit! Isak wants to see me again? Again! Wow! How the fuck did that happen? Did he forget I’m bipolar? That I’m crazy!_

“So I’ll see you again soon then?” Isak bit his lip, gazing at Even with the most adorable smile.

“Mmm,” Even noded, gazing back.

Isak quickly sealed the deal with another kiss before he started to walk backwards, like he didn’t want to let go of Even’s gaze and Even just stood there, not able to move, looking at Isak being all cute and handsome. Eventually Isak turned around and Even sighed out loud as he disappeared in the twilight.

The clock has just passed midnight. He unlocked his phone and saw a message from Mikael which he replied to right away.  

Mikael: How is it going? Good I presume since you didn’t ask me to rescue you ;)  I need every fucking details tomorrow <3

Even: Best date ever! Isak kissed me and I nearly died. <3<3<3 On my way home. 

Walking towards the bus, phone in hand, waiting for Mikael to text him back, he heard someone calling his name.  

 _Even, Even!_  

Even turned around and saw Isak coming towards him.

_Huh? What is Isak doing here? We just parted! Did I accidently packed some of his things and wants it back? Has he changed his mind and wants to let me know he doesn’t want to meet me later anyway? Did it finally sunk in that I’m bipolar and this is it?_

“Hey?” Even said confused.

“Hey,” Isak said as he climbed off his bike and parked it beside him. “Uhm- well-” Isak’s cheek turned crimson red. “It’s past midnight and technically another day, so- yeah- I was wondering- do you wanna hang?”

_Huh? He wants to hang?_

“Like now?” he asked, still a little confused, because he was not expecting this, not at all.

“Yeah-” he said a bit insecure, almost whispering, biting his lip and tugging the hem of his t-shirt with his left hand.  

 _Oh my god! He. Wants. To. Hang. Hell yeah!!! Let's hang forever!_  

“Yes,” Even replied quickly, making sure Isak wouldn’t think he had come up with a stupid idea. He mustered up all the courage he could find inside him and pulled him in for a kiss. “There is nothing I want more,” he said as their lips parted and he took a step back.

“Oh cool!” Isak lit up.

“Where do you wanna go?”

“Anywhere,” he shrugged clearly not having thought this through. Well, there hadn’t been much time for that anyway, they only parted a few minutes ago.

“I’ll go anywhere with you.” Even’s had a stupid grin on his face and he couldn’t wipe it off if he wanted it or not, because right now he was so happy his heart was jouncing around like a bouncy ball.

Isak pointed at the back of the bike and Even hopped on. He wrapped himself around Isak’s middle and discreetly placed his hands under his t-shirt, praying he wouldn’t notice it and if he did, hopefully he won’t mind. Isak’s skin felt smooth against his hands and it sent jolts through his spine.

Feeling a light breeze, they cruised through town. Even had no idea where Isak had planned to go, other than the fact that they were heading east, but he didn’t care. He was be happy wherever they went, as long as he could be with Isak.

Suddenly he felt Isak’s hand on his and Even instantly removed his hand from under the t-shirt, letting it hang loose, thinking Isak had felt uncomfortable. Seconds later Isak took hold of his hand and placed it under his t-shirt again and Even sighed in relief. Even tightened the grip around Isak, leaned forward and placed a kiss between the shoulder blades. His heart was racing and the butterflies in his stomach flew around like they were happily drunk and Even couldn’t remember last time he was this happy.  

“Hungry?” Isak shouted

“Yes,” Even shouted back.

“You wanna grab a kebab and go Sofienbergparken afterwards?”

“Sure!”

“Hold on!”

And that was exactly what Even did, he tightened the grip around Isak even more and buried his nose his t-shirt, happy that Isak couldn’t see the stupid grin on his face.

_I’m never gonna let you go. You are stuck with me forever!_

Twenty minutes later they walked out of Bislett Kebab with one kebab each. Isak asked Even to hold his so he could carry his bike to the park. They walked in silence, stealing glances at each other, both smiling like lovesick fools the five minutes it took to get to the park. Isak dropped his bike and Even asked him to get the blanket from his backpack so they could sit it on.

They sat across each other eating in silence the first minutes. Even didn’t know what to say, couldn’t quite believe Isak wanted to hang so soon. He looked at Isak and it looked like he was thinking hard of something, wearing a serious expression, and Even waited for him to say something, a little nervous what it could be.  

“This was really good,” Even said just to break the slightly awkward silence.

“Mhm,” Isak noded. “I was really hungry now,” he added looking at Even. “Uhm- not that you didn’t bring enough food. You totally did! It’s just so many hours ago and I hardly ate anything before meeting you. You weren’t the only one being nervous about this date.”

“Oh,” Even smiled. “You are right, it’s many hours ago. I’m glad I wasn’t the only one being nervous.”

They lapsed into silence again and Isak’s serious expression was back, making Even nervous. Isak was clearly tugging on something, but what?

“Even?” he finally said

“Yeah?” he answered nervously.

“I just want to let you know that I have no problem with you being bipolar. I’m sorry I didn’t say anything earlier, really sorry. You must have wondered. I wanted to tell you, but it all got so stupid, we suddenly talked about something else and then I couldn’t find the right time to tell.” Isak huff.  

Even looked intensely at Isak as he talked. There was an honesty in his voice and it really looked like he was sorry, eyes looking apologetic, and Even’s heart swelled. Simultaneously a few tears broke free and rolled down his cheek and it happened so fast Even didn’t get the chance to wipe them away before Isak saw it.  

_Fuck, fuck, fuck. Tears on the first date? Really clever Even, just really clever!_

“Hey, what’s up?” Isak asked softly, wiping the tears away.

“It’s just so long time ago anyone have been OK with the fact that I’m bipolar. Like the five last guys I’ve dated, they just ran in the opposite direction when they found out,” Even sighe and felt more tears pressing its way out.

“Ran away? I can’t understand how someone can run away from you. I would do the total opposite.” Isak put down the rest of his kebab and grabbed Even’s hand, making their fingers lace. “But- I’m sort of happy it happened, because if not, we wouldn’t have met.”

“I’m happy too. If that was what it took to meet you I would do it again. All the heartaches, disappointments and self loathing.”  

Isak made swirls in Even’s hand with his thumb and it felt so good, so soothing and reassuring. The compassion in his eyes radiates and reached Even’s heart. They finished the rest of the kebab, then lied down on the blanket staring up on the cloud free sky. Even’s confidence had grown the last couple of minutes and he scooted himself closer to Isak, wanted to lie near him, weave his fingers with his and hope someone came by and saw them thinking they were a couple. He would be so proud. The mentally ill dude no one found worthy committing to, scored the hottest guy ever, the sun itself. _This is Isak and he’s my boyfriend_. The words lingered on his tongue and he wondered when he would be able to say it out loud.  

Even’s pinky brushed Isak’s hand as he scooted closer to Isak and suddenly he felt Isak lace his fingers with his.

“Isn’t it weird how small we really are,” Iask suddenly said.

“It is,” Even said pensively. “It’s rather daunting to think about.”

“You think so?”

“Mmh. The universe is so fucking big and I get all dizzy thinking about it.”

“What I really like to think about is all the parallel universes.”

“Parallel universes?” Even asked.

“Yeah, there is so many parallel universes that everything that can happen, will happen.”

“You think so?”

“Yes. Like in a parallel universe there is an Even and Isak lying just like this right now, it’s just that something is different-”

“What?”

“Like you wearing a yellow t-shirt instead of blue. Or something-”

“You think so?”

“I’m positive.”

“Do you think there is an Isak and Even kissing right now in a parallel universe?”

“I’m pretty sure that happens in every universe,” Isak said smiling before rolling over the side, facing Even.

“This one too?” Even asked quietly staring into Isak’s beautiful eyes.

“This one too-”  

Isak’s voice was soft. He leaned in, closing the gap between them and let his lips brush Even’s gently, before starting to play with them. Even let out a small, happy moan as Isak let his tongue inside his mouth. He explored every part of it, before deepening the kiss, making Even moan again. Like this they lie until their lips went all numb from all the kissing.

“Do you want to go to Copenhagen with me?” The words unintentionally escapes Even’s mouth, they had just been meant for his mind.

_Even! What the fuck? Why embarrass yourself like that? Jesus Christ! Don’t make yourself look that desperate! Good riddance, there is no else than me to blame if he runs now._

“Yes!” Isak said enthusiastically.

“What? Do you really wanna go with me?” he asked surprised.

“Yes.”

“But you’ve only known me for a day?

“I don’t need more time to know,” Isak said looking at Even with a wide smile on his face.

“You don’t?” Even crinkled his nose, couldn’t quite believe Isak said yes without thinking.

“Nope.” Isak still smiled. “Hey, you asked me, so you knew what you wanted after so short time too.”

“But that is different. It’s you. Who doesn’t want to go to Copenhagen with the sun itself.”

“Why is it different?” Isak frowned.

“Because I’m crazy and I cried on our first date,” Even shrugged.

“I don’t get it. Are you trying to talk me out of going to Copenhagen with you?” Isak let out a small chuckle.

“Eh- no-” Red roses filled up Even’s cheeks.  “Uhm-well- I’m just babble because I’m just so surprised someone like you would go to Copenhagen with me.”

“Oh stop it. You’re the one that’s James Dean. Tall, lean, fluffy hair, pretty and so freaking interesting. Oh and funny. I should be the surprised one. I’m just a weird biology dude,” Isak huff.

Even looked at Isak, face flushed. He had called him James Dean _again_ and even though it was far from the truth, he had to admit it turned him on. Not only because James Dean was a freaking movie legend, but also because it was Isak fucking Valtersen who said so. The world’s most pretty boy. What had he done to deserve something like this? He sure had struck lucky and made a mental note to thank Sana as soon as he could. He owned her everything!

“Nothing is _just_ with you, Isak.” Even took hold of his hand and let their finger intertwine. “From what I know you sound like an excellent biology dude and you’re far from weird. Way more interesting than I am.”

“I guess the question about who’s the most interesting is something we’ll argue until about we grow old, so lets-”

“-kiss,” Even said cutting Isak off. He leaned over and let his lips press against Isak’s and instantly started to play with his lips. Isak picked up the pace and soon thye kissed with such urgency and intensity Even got aroused and had to try to move away from Isak so he wouldn’t feel the growing bulb in his blue shorts.

“So when are going to Copenhagen?” Isak asked, nearly whispering, as Even let go of him. “We are going, aren’t we?” Soft eyes gazed at Even.

“Yeah, aren’t we?” Even asked back, also whispering.

“We are.”

“We are,” Even parroted. “Tomorrow?”

“Tomorrow?” Isak raised his eyebrows.

“Yeah, before any of us changes our minds.”

“I’m never gonna change my mind, Even,” Isak said and brushed his thumb on Even’s cheek.

“Me neither,” Even smiled and took hold of his hand and gently kissed the thumb.

“Our friends will think we’re crazy,” Isak chuckled.

“My friends already know I’m crazy,” Even let out a small laugh. “What about your friends?”

“I’m just a weird biology dude, what do you think?” Isak rolled his eyes.

“Never had someone you’ve done crazy things with?”

“Well, I’ve done weird stuff with my best friends, but not with someone like you.”

“Someone like me?” Even frowned.

“Yeah I mean- uhm- well-” Isak struggled finding the right words. “-with a guy- uhm- that I really liked.” Isak blushed.

“Oh-” Even smiled. “Me neither, nothing has really lasted long enough for that to even be a possibility.”

“What a shame! I’m pretty sure they have missed out.” Isak took hold of Even’s hand and caressed it. “Let’s do this! Let’s pack up and go to Copenhagen tomorrow.”

“You mean that?”

“Yes, fuck it! Why wait? Life is now!”

Even and Isak laid on the blue blanket, gazing at each other.

_Why haven’t my heart exploded yet? Did something happen? Am I dead and gone to heaven? Fuck am I dead?_

“Why are you pinching yourself?” Isak wondered.

“Eh-” Even’s face turned two shades darker. “Just checking if this is real, if I’m alive,” Even said embarrassed.

“Oh gosh, you’re so adorable,” Isak sighed happily.

Isak grabbed his phone and started to fiddle with it. Even didn’t ask what he was up to, just lay and gazed at him, trying to get a grip of the situation. If anyone had told him this morning that the day would end  like this, Even would’ve rolled his eyes and huffed loudly. He wouldn’t have believed it and he still couldn’t grasp the reality of the situation. Somehow he’d lucked out and he wasn’t sure how that had happened. His thought went back to Sana, Elias’ baby brother. Her intuition had been spot on, Isak and himself were indeed a perfect match, at least he thought so. He sure had to thank her. 

Isak yanked him out of his train of thoughts. “There is a train that leaves at 7.29. I can book us seats?”

“That’s like in five hours our so,” Even said eyeing his phone. “Sure why not? There’s time to pack some stuff and get to the station.”

“Cool.” Isak lit up. “With this heat, we don’t need much clothes.” 

_With this heat I hope to see you naked. Naked in bed, beside me._

“Done!” Isak exclaimed enthusiastically.

“Shit!” Even said, like it just dawned on him that he really was going to Copenhagen with Isak.

“No regrets?” Isak asked suddenly all nervous.

“Not at all. It was more like a _shit is this really happening_ kinds shit, if you get what I mean?”

“Totally. My brain has gone _shit shit shit_ the last minutes too.”  

Suddenly both of their phones beeped at the same time, making them flinch. Even rolled on his back and fetched his phone seeing that Sana had texted him.

“Sana.” he just said.

“Same here,” Isak chuckled.

“You haven’t thanked me yet, how did the date go?” Even read Sana’s text out loud and Isak started to laugh. “What?”

“She wrote me the same.”

“Let’s send her a photo of us. Take off your shirt.” Even said and was already on his way to take off his. Isak looked at Even and couldn’t do anything than follow him. Soon Isak’s shirt was off.

“Now what?” he curiously asked.

“Lay down. This will make her choke on thin air, don’t you think?” It took two seconds before Isak just nodded and laughed.

“God, this will be so funny”

Isak scooted himself closer to Even to fit into the frame. Even was laughing so hard it was hard to get a decent picture of the two of them. After quite some attempts, he gave up trying to get a perfect picture and sent her two slightly blurry photos.

_Late night park life ;) thank you from Isak & Even. _

 

Both got up and dressed after they’d taken the photos. Even shook the blanket free from grass before wrapping it and stuff it down his backpack.

“So-” Even said with his backpack on, gazing at Isak.

“So, yeah- see  you in like five hours?”

“Five hours yes. Like 7.00 at the platform?”

“Sounds good,” Isak said with a smile, but suddenly he frowned.

“What?” Even wondered.

“Where are we gonna stay?”

“I have no idea,” Even laughed. “But I’m sure we’ll figure out something.”

“Yeah. You’re probably right.” The frown disappeared and a huge smile emerged. “I need a kiss before we part,” Isak said biting his lip.

_Oh god, there’s that look again. That might be the death of me. How can you be so adorable, Isak? Just how? You can’t be like this all the time, I won’t be able to function properly. Fuck it, be like this all the time. I’ll deal. Somehow I’ll deal._

Even took a step forward and cupped Isak’s face and french kissed him one last time, before he let go of him.

“Five hours,” Isak said.

Even eyed his phone. “Four hours and  59 minutes.”


End file.
